I told personal stories the way [Bill] Cosby would spin a yarn for ten minutes. I think in hindsight it works better as a long story than as a condensed monologue.

That is why I fought against abortion and that is why if I were still in the Senate I would be doing everything I could to defend the sanctity of marriage.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring. Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun. Now the jingle hop has begun.

I feel like I'm worried about my later years in life because I feel like I'm using up so much good karma right now. There's going to be some sort of karmic backlash somewhere down the road.

If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles.

Why build a zoo when we can just put up a fence around Chapel Hill?

So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you're on the right track.

Don't be afraid of fear. Because it sharpens you, it challenges you, it makes you stronger; and when you run away from fear, you also run away from the opportunity to be your best possible self.

This may come as a surprise, given the nature of my job, but I am very guarded and contemplative. I'm not a naturally boisterous person.

White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.

It still surprises me when I find something in any North Carolina newspaper that isn't mad at me about something.

Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who holds a low opinion of himself.

When we are allowed two seconds of freedom, be prepared for me to tear your clothes off.""That sounds like a perfect plan.

And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit?

Books have led some to learning and others to madness.

I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do not agree with that at all.

A lot of people who work in computers think that the world is like them.

I think religion is a bunch of hooey, and I think that the holidays are an opportunity for people to get stressed out, getting their rush to shop. It's so conformist.

I'm not the most talkative guy in the world.

Let not young souls be smothered out Before they do quaint deeds And fully flaunt their pride.