I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

In everyday life, a blessed act of saying ‘hello, a smile, word of encouragement…’ can uplift someone spirit.

I thought he'd run if he knew. Instead, he offered help, not that I believed he could possibly help. I thought he'd turn his back, close his heart, slink away. Instead, he promised sanctuary.

Observe, Remember, Compare.

Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into universal, rather than religion-specific, values.

Humanity lives in its fiction.

Marriage is the most basic expression of the vocation to love that all men and women have as persons made in God's image.

Far from wishing to awaken the artist in the pupil prematurely, the teacher considers it his first task to make him a skilled artisan with sovereign control of his craft.

I really do like working very closely with a director and developing characters.

The drive for happiness is vital; it's what keeps us in motion.

Facts mean nothing unless they are rightly understood, rightly related and rightly interpreted.