I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

We humans are the Tyrannosaurus Rex of mammals.

Without challenges, we fail to wonder.

People who know God truly change the life of their nation, and not the government.

Her heart fluttered. It had only been a few hours, but it felt like a lifetime since she saw him last. She seriously felt addicted to that boy.

Prosperity's disciples build careful bastions against age and change.

You look at Patrick Vieira and Emmanuel Petit at Arsenal or Roy Keane at Man United, and they are players that can do everything.

They look at what's more important, like subjects to help with the SAT's, etc. They miss that music is vital. It offers a break from a stressful day of science and math and it's different.

I was terrorized by the emotional requirements of being an actor. Acting is like letting your pants down; you're exposed.

I have been up to my head just with calling people, I call about 50 to 100 people a day.

We are doomed to failure without a daily destruction of our various preconceptions.