I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

You spend your TIME to make a DIME. You lose your HEALTH to make your WEALTH, but at the end it is FUNNY because you leave back all your MONEY.

Where are you looking for samadhi (enlightened blissful state)? You just come into your own original Self-form of the Soul, final liberation and samadhi are the natural qualities of the Soul!

When you live in a glass house, buying curtains for the windows doesn't help.

Just because other people think something, that doesn't make it true. Maybe there's some truth in that, but it's unsatisfying, bitter-tasting truth.

If all I ever wrote about was inner city freaks, I think it would be dishonest.

As a strong supporter of our 2nd Amendment rights, I believe tougher enforcement of our nation's existing gun laws must be done before any more laws are enacted and put on the books.

All religion and all ethics are summed up in justice.

Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.

I don't expect an overnight change of all desktops to what the US Military used to call B3 level security. And even that would not stop users from shooting themselves into the foot.