I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Every engine takes advantage of a difference.

He didn't want to take advantage of her? Fine, she'd take advantage of him.

I Like this quote I dislike this quote“My house is run, essentially, by an adopted, fully clawed cat with a mean nature.

Silence in the face of injustice is complicity with the opressor.

This dream that men shall cease to waste strength in competition and shall come to pool their powers of production is coming to pass all over the earth.

President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him 'sir' instead of 'Mr. President.' Man, how upset is he going to be after the election when they start calling him George again?

I want to be a Christian like Christ - loving and accepting of other people.

In a business society, the emotional economy is an economy of scarcity.

I came to the conclusion that there is an existential moment in your life when you must decide to speak for yourself; nobody else can speak for you.

I believe in magical things happening and spiritual goings on. Sometimes the most mundane things can surprise you and be magical.