I tried to go out for theater or theater arts, but I was too scared or too intimidated. But I had a lot of friends on the cross country team that had great senses of humor.

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

Never, ever, trust a man who is willing to die in glory but is unable to live with pride.

I would like my life to be a movie so I could cut to a montage.

Time and time again I can't please myself.

Biography can be the most middle-class of all forms, the judgment of little people avenging themselves on the great.

If humanity is being swallowed by a modern primitivism, imagination might be the thing that saves us all.

A sober man may become a drunkard through being a coward. A brave man may become a coward through being a drunkard.

One operator is no big deal. That can be fixed in a jiffy.

When I was younger, I thought LisaRaye sounded so country, but I've come to really appreciate my family-given name. I was named after my father, David Ray McCoy, and I'm totally a daddy's girl.

I've learnt to listen. I don't think I always did listen.

Tomorrow never comes.