I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Discontent comes from two sources alone: Not having dreams, or not pursuing the ones you have. No one has ever died sorry who tried to turn a wish into a memory.

Every season has a reason

Learn, or you'll be made to learn.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

No doubt that the U.S. is a super-power capable of conquering a relatively small country, but is it able to control it?

The only kind of trouble I've ever been in is when I was stealing eggs when I was little. I think I know right from wrong.

Loose and jocular, Stanley proved to be a master at relating to nightclub audiences

Rule of thumb: Eat for what you're going to be doing, and not for what you have done. Don't take in more than you're willing to burn off.

You do have to continue, as you grow as a human, checking in and going is this what I want? Am I giving away things that I don’t want? Who am I and what do I want to keep doing?

The fact is: You are not a manager of circumstance, you're the architect of your life's experience.