I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold 'Em.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

You are to use this one life to make a difference in your world. You are to invest your time and not waste it.

Documenting little details of your everyday life becomes a celebration of who you are.

Tears and grief are good for reflection, moving on is still the best solution.

I want to keep my fan base supplied with a steady chain of music.

The question of the value of nationality in art is perhaps unsolvable.

Am I worried? Sure, I'm worried. When it comes to the Olympics, it can't be a predictable finish.

A man that is not afraid of a Lion is afraid of a Cat .

You can never have a thousand percent batting average on jokes - it's just never going to happen.

We forget to remain focused on the things that really matter.

Going from three TV channels to broadcast TV to cable to talk radio; obviously the online explosion has changed things.