I try not to second-guess editors; they're the clients, and I have no expectation that my strip is going to make it into every paper every day.

In Palm Springs, they think homelessness is caused by bad divorce lawyers.

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.

That's what fiction writers do: create characters and do terrible things to them for the entertainment of others. If they feel guilty enough, they write happy endings.

Becoming the new feminine ideal requires just the right combination of insecurity, exercise, bulimia and surgery.

Freedom should always be discussed within the context of responsibility.

I try to take people one at a time, with all the contradictions and compromises that most of us live with.

Life is like a movie-since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of it.

I'm still passionately interested in what my fellow humans are up to. For me, a day spent monitoring the passing parade is a day well-spent.

At college my three main interests were - in descending order of importance - a steady supply of recreational drugs, a 2-S draft deferment, and overthrowing the Nixon administration.

The first among mankind will always be those who make something imperishable out of a sheet of paper, a canvas, a piece of marble, or a few sounds

Avoid hating people because you might have destroyed the bridge you have just used to cross the river

We reach for the same brand not because we trust its quality but because we want to reassure ourselves that we made a smart choice the last time we bought it.

We may never understand illnesses such as cancer. In fact, we may never cure it. But an ounce of prevention is worth more than a million pounds of cure.

Maybe you can't play over your head at all. Maybe it's just potential you never knew you had.

The condom broke. I know how stupid that sounds. It's the reproductive version of the dog ate my homework.

His conviction that everything happened for a reason, and would come to good, gave him laughing equanimity even in hard times.

I cannot lose the one thing that keeps me alive : hope -

Suffering is a call to conversion: it reminds us of our frailty and vulnerability.

The ones that actually affect people who don't have enough money to change them - which is almost everybody. But that has nothing to do with the president.