I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

I now can say I no longer fear death. Instead welcome it with open arms…

Being a lifelong runner, knowing what running gives me, a variety of factors - that is what motivates me.

We apologize for the fact that the cartoons undeniably have offended many Muslims.

I would never design anything. I just think that's kind of wack. I hated every rapper fashion line that ever came out, you know what I'm saying? I would never try.

The lens is a tyranny.

When you master role-playing [gaming], you become immersed in an activity that is peerless among leisure-time pursuits.

Every one hath a foole in his sleeve.

We know that if whites and nonwhites vote in the same percentages as they did in 2000, Bush will be re-defeated by 3 million votes.

Reforming the social structures which perpetuate poverty and the exclusion of the poor first requires a conversion of mind and heart.

It was a crazy game. We could have scored five...oh right, we did score five, but we could have scored six, seven or eight.