I try to make computers say things like You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed

From a human point of view, out bodily existence is a fairytale. At any rate, to the inhabitants of the human world, 'heaven' and 'the next world' are both nothing but fables.

No one has ever found a solution for not doing a fashion show.

The failure-dichotomy principle: failure is good. Failure is not an option. Balance those in your brain.

Shantaram is the second in the series of a quartet of novels that I have planned about my life but is the first to be written. The third book is a sequel to Shantaram, the first a prequel.

Did someone harm you in 1962.. let go of it! Control and ride the horses of anger.

I grew up in a house that had a whole lot of trouble. As much trouble as you could imagine.

I only went a year to high school. I should have been in high school, but I was in a band, and when you're successful doing that - well, you aren't too likely to go back.

There is nothing more dangerous than a lazy parent.

I have been studying how I may compare This prison where I live unto the world; And, for because the world is populous, And here is not a creature but myself, I cannot do it. Yet I'll hammer it out.