I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

Science literacy is being plugged into the forces that power the universe. There is no excuse for thinking that the Sun, which is a million times the size of Earth, orbits Earth.

As time goes by the memories of sitting on the edge of a bed and reading aloud with your kid are going to be very meaningful in your own mental scrapbook.

Books are all right, but dead men's brains are no good unless you mix a live one's with them.

Congress is good at doing two things: one is nothing, and the other is overreacting.

Whenever you save five shillings you put a man out of work for a day.

In all unmerciful actions, the worst of men pay this compliment at least to humanity, as to endeavour to wear as much of the appearance of it, as the case will well let them.

I'm very fond of piano players.

Certain elements may try to stretch this beyond what it is.

Criticism is the fountainhead of control.