I try to not to be a celebrity as much as possible.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

Right where you are, the potential of the universe is.

It's brutal out there. A bear will eat a lactating ewe alive, starting with her udders. as a rule, animals in the wild don't get good deaths surrounded by their loved ones.

It's probably foolish to expect relationships to go on forever and to say that because something only lasts 10 years, it's a failure.

Live one day at a time, unless you can figure out how to live two.

We should be moving vigorously towards renewable energy. The technology of which is right here right now.

Women on the way up generally fail to win popularity contests. The only compensation is that once you're there you will become very well liked.

Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.

I'm not interested in provoking people, but only in trying to be consoling.

Systems and processes are essential to keep the crusade going, but they should not replace the crusade.

I'm not complicated at all. I say raps that your two-year-old son can learn.