I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

Forgiveness is brave, sets us free from darkness, and allows light to shine the sweet fragrance of life into our souls

Keep your chin up. Eventually, you will meet someone who cares about your opinion. I'm so sorry I'm not her.

He who fears being watched from the abysswill be unable to look into it himself.The truth can only be obtained by pressing forward.

In real life, it's good Netiquette to limit yourself to a two drink maximum when social networking. NetworkEtiquette.net

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

If we have power, we'll never give it up again unless we're carried out of our offices as corpses

We hit it off immediately, especially Helene, who was a 'swallow-life-in-big-gulps' kind of person.

I didn't realize there are generations who do not know about the origins of film.

What nerds miss is that it takes hard work to make sales look easy.