I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I always say, 'Books beat boredom, ' said Amanda wisely.

Give me a life time by the fire, with a book in my hand, nothing more and I will tell you a great story.

When in doubt, I go to the phones a lot because it adds a new dimension and a new energy. It kind of takes me out of the equation if I feel like I irritated them or they aren't into the experience.

I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.

If we do not act together, we will surely perish.

Over-preparation is the foe of inspiration.

A child's natural form of behavior is play, and in our aim to educate, play should be honored and preserved for as long past childhood as can be.

Look at the other side of things even if you know you'll never agree. It creates empathy.

Book values have some good and some bad features.