I typically start out almost every speech I give making some kind of joke about me being in a wheelchair.

If I had a cat I'd buy another one so I could kick one and then the other.

I go into the office in the morning, I sue Barack Obama, and then I go home.

Sony has engaged in a technological version of cloak and dagger deceit against consumers by hiding secret files on their computers.

If I have to, I will use one challenge after another to dismantle governmental operations that I consider violations of the Constitution.

America is ready for livable communities. America is ready for high-speed rail.

I think that banning sanctuary cities should be upheld in court.

You can look at the state of California, which is on a pathway to destruction because they expanded government too much, thinking that there would always be someone to pay for it.

Misrepresented its own studies and the concerns of physicians suggesting the drug may increase the risk of heart problems.

beauty’ is related not to ‘loveliness’ but to a state in which reality plays a part.

My dream went all the way back to the beginning. The rain rose into the clouds, and the animals descended the ramp.

Tampon commercial, detergent commercial, maxi pad commercial, windex commercial - you'd think all women do is clean and bleed.

When you're at peace, you embrace the eternity.When you're confused, you be dazzled by doomsday.

The sword of Gryffindor was hidden they knew not where, and they were three teenagers in a tent whose only achievement was not, yet, to be dead.

Calm on the listening ear of night Come Heaven's melodious strains, Where wild Judea stretches far Her silver-mantled plains.

Nay, nay!” said the Squire. “It’s not so easy to break one’s heart. Sometimes I’ve wished it were. But one has to go on living—‘all the appointed days,’ as is said in the Bible.

I didn't know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That's what I learned. I didn't know how to put a set together.

I have no literary approach - except to literature.

[History is] a tyranny over the souls of the dead - and so the imagination of the living.