I understand the technique of eccentricity; it would be futile for a man to labor at establishing a reputation for oddity if he were ready at the slightest provocation to revert to normal action.

[A] pessimist gets nothing but pleasant surprises, an optimist nothing but unpleasant.

The only thing I want is something I can't have; and that is to know if, 100 years from now, people will still buy my books.

I have a strong moral sense - by my standards.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Measure your minds height by the shadow it casts.

Being broke is not a disgrace, it is only a catastrophe.

Every Sherlock Holmes story has at least one marvelous scene.

Sarcasm is not the rapier of wit its wielders seem to believe it to be, but merely a club: it may, by dint of brute force, occasionally raise bruises, but it never cuts or pierces.

The more you put in your brain, the more it will hold - if you have one.

I don't approve of open fires. You can't think, or talk or even make love in front of a fireplace. All you can do is stare at it.

It really sucks to come in second in your own life. It sucks even more to think that this is okay.

Real vision dies only when life dies. Once we live, we hope, we yearn for and we aspire to have something!

People who cannot recognize a palpable absurdity are very much in the way of civilization.

[I am not] the captain of my soul; I am only its noisiest passenger.

Dig until you hit rock. Then take out that jackhammer and go a little deeper.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

People like you are the reason People like me need medication.

I've found constancy and balance between creativity and normality.

They were tricky, those demons. Could they be trusted? Of course they could be trusted. She'd created them. She owned them. They wouldn't lead her astray.

Those who build walls are their own prisoners.