I use an Arnold Palmer putter that was probably built back in 1954.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

You cannot find God without finding people

You take up the spiritual path only when you feel you cannot do otherwise.

I didn't want to be the crippled songwriter or the crippled singer. I wanted to be the singer or the songwriter who was crippled. I wanted to be larger than life and a man among men.

I do believe in the infallibility of the Pope, because I think we have to believe in something.

I do not write for the public. You are my public and I hope to convert you.

Try to focus on the things that you do have instead of obsessing over things you don't

Do you know any better way to make saints than to be one yourself?

I earned the name from the Greek god Zelos who is the god of rivalry.