I used comedy as a way to combat my dyslexia. I was barely getting by scholastically, so I used a lot of humor.

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

People have always said since TV was invented what a cultural wasteland it is but I think it is the worst and the best. It is the golden age of television.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."

Unless you clear those once stubborn self-limiting beliefs and fears you will find the NAPS you have recorded is simply a waste of your time in doing so.

We are all lies waiting for the day when we will break free from our cocoon and become the beautiful truth we waited for.

Why do you have such a crappy attitude about math?""I don't. I have a crappy attitude about everything.

I'm not anxious to be anywhere other than where I am right now.

When the race gets hard to run. It means you just can't take the peace.

I put heavy emphasis on the characters.

Heath," she whispered, "you're all I want. No one else ... no one . . .

A mind too vigorous and active, serves only to consume the body to which it is joined.

I was never really a character actor - I was a leading man who was always cast as a character. I wanted to be Jack Nicholson or Jean Gabin.

Let me plead with you, lovers of my Africa, to carry with you into the world the vision of a new Africa