I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language.

I'm praying we don't go to war with Iraq. If we do, I may have to go back to work earlier.

The truth can't hurt you, it's just like the dark. It scares you witless, but in time you see things clear and stark.

A second wife is hateful to the children of the first; A viper is not more hateful.

I don't mind how many letters I receive from one who interests me as much as you do. The receptive part of correspondence I can carry on with much alacrity. It is writing answers that I groan over.

We are shifting into an enjoyment-based economy. And who knows more about making enjoyment than game developers?

I do believe that the party needs to evolve, or I won't be a part of it.

When I'm out in public I need to be a role model for the kids. I need to be someone they can look up to or portray themselves as.

In too deep to see the diamond, down too dark to see the gold. Now he won't let go of the shovel, and he cannot dig out of the hole.

Earth being so good, would heaven seem best?