I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, "I am a bulemic".

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

In situations like this - when you meet somebody who isn't an ordinary human - people like me have two choices. One: to exhibit plain and obvious hostility towards that person

A beautiful face will age and a perfect body will change, but an awesome person will always be an awesome person.

For if the car drives in the wrong direction better fuel doesn't help.

I don't know notes or octaves or the difference between sharp and flat, but I know music makes everything more.

GOD IS YOUR THOUGHTS

Learn to say 'no' to the good so you can say 'yes' to the best.

I have never, ever focused on the negative of things. I always look at the positive.

A satyagrahi must ceaselessly strive to realize and live truth. And he must never contemplate hurting anyone by thought, word or deed.

There is no authority but yourself.

Women aren't more easily swayed by fascism than men, but I believe that their situation makes them in effect more slavish than men.