I used to get nervous about three weeks before a gig... now I've managed to condense it down to a manageable ten minutes.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

You are brighter than the sunlight and bolder than a rainbow. You are the reason spring was created in the first place.

Be your sacred-self.

They had both wanted it to happen and they both wished it had not

Power gradually extirpates from the mind every humane and gentle virtue.

Yes, this is life; and everywhere we meet, Not victor crowns, but wailings of defeat.

It's just fun to be in Paris.

It is only too clear that man is not at home within this universe, and yet that he is not good enough to deserve a better.

Don’t worry. You may think you’ll never get over it. But you also thought it would last forever.

When you allegorize, you're gonna get everybody saved somehow.

Don't take life so serious. It ain't no-hows permanent.