I used to go out with actresses and other female impersonators.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

She made the beast rear its ugly head. Stirred fantasies in my mind I would have never otherwise entertained. Owning her wasn’t enough. Controlling her didn’t douse the inferno blazing inside me.

I've learned from personal experience that insecurity and doubting yourself can really hurt you.

My senior year I was basically supporting myself, so it was like, Do you want to eat and pay the rent, or do you want to go to school? I wanted to eat and pay the rent.

Seeming's enough for slaves of space and time - ours is the now and here of freedom. Come.

I will not say I am sorry, but I can tell you that I grieve.

Boy, take my advice, and never try to invent any thing but--happiness.

Normally I am not so violent. Everything comes from the question: Where will I die? It is a strong concern.

More than what we say or do, the way we are expresses what we think it means to be alive. So the articulate parent is less a telling than a listening individual.

Arty farty, you'll never fool your Aunt, who knew you picked your nose and wet your pants.

Another ingredient in a happy marriage: Budget the luxuries first!