I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

Culture now spreads at central nervous system speed. It’s a shame that compassion doesn’t.

Scotland consistently produces world-class writers.

The other day, when my 4-year-old saw a flowering tree and said, "Daddy, it's raining petals," that was poetry that just melted my heart into a mushy, yummy Fudgsicle.

I know what they said even if they would not say it to my face. People love to talk. They love to slander you if you have any substance.

Davis is a literargy dyspeptic who had more ink than blood in his veins, an intriguer, buys with private enmities.

To dispose a soul to action we must upset its equilibrium.

Reading if a man has a crush on you can be to your advantage. If you know a guy likes you, the power shifts in your favor giving you more confidence.

It is what man does not know of God Composes the visible poem of the world.

Being effortless is the coolest thing in the world

I think that being a producer is business and being an actor is art.