I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis.

I don't really understand it - marriage.

Heritage does not equal destiny.

I might have become a minor celebrity but royalty checks were a long way off.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? It's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. Don't give up

Theories are just fantasies. And they change.

If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinion for or against.

The Mother of the universe is the Mother of all. From Her have come out both good and evil.

Wouldn’t it be amazing, getting up everyday and playing; doing something that you love to do?