I usually say I write for the smartest, cleverest, wittiest audience I know, and that's me.

You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.

Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.

I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid.

K is for "Kenghis Khan"; He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.

In these days of widespread illiteracy, functional illiteracy... anything that keeps people stupid is a felony.

The world is turning into a cesspool of imbeciles.

You must never be afraid to go there.

They minute people fall in love they become liars.

Posing the question: does the god of love use underarm deodorant, vaginal spray and fluoride toothpaste?

My wealth is in my knowledge of self, love, and spirituality.

We want more than there is.

Giving presents is one of the most possessive things we do, did you realize that? It's the way we keep a hold on other people. Plant ourselves in their lives.

When I started go-go dancing on tables for a living, I didn't want to tell my mom or my dad. I made 25 dollars a night, and I was able to make my rent, with the four girls I lived with.

It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

It's just hard to meet new people, in my position.

The fears of old age disturb us, yet how few attain it?

We compensate for what we don't do internally by projecting and allowing our minds to be marinated in chronic fantasy.

Dance is an ephemeral, a fleeting art. To describe this momentum, every movement on stage, in words is virtually impossible.

I'm not one of those people who writes long soliloquies.