I've achieved many of my dreams, and I want to see that some others get a chance to, especially younger Texans.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Where there is SMOKE there is usually FIRE. Believe NONE of what you hear and HALF of what you SEE!

Love is a funny thing. The ones we love don't always love us back.

Killing Intel, I, I just had to resign from the Apple Board.

I wear the chains I forged in life.

Justin Bieber is a douche bag. Now that I have your attention, let's talk about cars.

The effect speakes, the tongue needes not. [The effect speaks, the tongue needs not.]

Writers are only rarely likable.

I have always been confident that I would make it to the top.

Material abundance without character is the surest way to destruction.

I might be a dork, but I don't want to be a jerk.