I've always felt that anyone who wants to talk about my private life is only demonstrating the paucity of his/her imagination when there are so many more important and exciting things to discuss.

The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

I have memories - but only a fool stores his past in the future.

Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.

Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order.

Understanding the laws of nature does not mean that we are immune to their operations.

The jingling of a fat purse always commands the world.

True genius can be identified by the fact that its expression changes the world into something it has never been before.

Adolescence is that time in your life when you discover your ability to be depressed.

You will find it easiest to ride the avalanche in the direction it already travels.

The human race never solves any of its problems, it only outlives them.

I can prove anything by statistics except the truth.

Envy and jealousy are incurable diseases.

How anyone can believe in eternal punishment, or in any soul which God has made being "lost" and also believes in the love, nay, even in the justice of God is a mystery indeed.

Be mindful, exercise kindness, to yourselves, to each other.

I make no conscious effort to be tough, or hard-boiled, or grim, or any of the things I am usually called.

It is by vivacity and wit that man shines in company; but trite jokes and loud laughter reduce him to a buffoon.

As I started to buy cars, I didn't know that I was building a collection. I just wanted the cars I was dreaming about. Once you drive a good one, it is like having a fever.

Domination delegates the physical violence on which it rests to the dominated.

Look. You all do things that are beautiful and magical and... and important. But me... there's gotta be more to my life than just pots and kettles. All I'm asking you is that you give me a chance.

A physician is an unfortunate gentleman who is every day required to perform a miracle; namely to reconcile health with intemperance.