I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

It is a sad state of affairs in the USA that for the sick and the poor that jail offers better benefits than the freedom of no healthcare, bills that cannot be paid and starvation.

Death is the ultimate enemy - and I find nothing reproachable in those who rage mightily against the dying of the light.

The beauty of Judaism is that it demands we ask questions, especially of ourselves.

Fortunately, Judge Richey's decision was overturned by the U.S. Supreme Court, but it is an example of how far the purge of Christian values has gone in America.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

He that judges without informing himself to the utmost that he is capable, cannot acquit himself of judging amiss

Innovation accelerates and compounds. Each point in front of you is bigger than anything that ever happened.

The spread of personal ownership is in harmony with the deepest instincts of the British people. Few changes have done more to create one nation.

We should have a bond of sympathy for all sentient beings, knowing that only the depraved and base take pleasure in the sight of blood and suffering.

If one has to earn a living, therefore, the safest occupation is that most remote from the arts.