I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic.

Blessed are you, who faced many adversities. You will be strengthen and soften.

Culture is corporate character.

To instruct others is to engage the simplicity of receiving eternal life

When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze.

I still do a lot of shows with Brian Koonin, but we haven't had a full band lately.

My best fishing-memory is about some fish that I never caught.

Authentic stardom ... is a gift which, if it is to have any permanent significance, must be bestowed by a public rather than a manager.

Her cooking suggested she had attended the Cordon Noir.

"We speak different languages, as usual," responded Woland, "but this does not change the things we speak about. Well?..."

I love visual gags and gimmicks; I love them.