I've always said that next to Imperial China, the South is the best place in the world to be an old lady.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

I simply like guns because you can't shoot people without them.

I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn't known that before; I thought I was just short.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

A lie is a lieeven if everyone believes it.

Gerard and I pretty much share all parenting responsibilities, although I'm definitely the disciplinarian.

Half of your power lies in your sameness with others. The other half lies in your uniqueness.

In the service, when a man gives you his word, his word is binding. In politics, you never know.

For a man to act himself, he must be perfectly free; otherwise he is in danger of losing all sense of responsibility or of self- respect.

Government does the least good and the most harm through subsidies.

I would love to have a rapper on one of my songs, like Ludacris, or the 'it's so hot in here' guy, Nelly.

I don't believe in devils. Indifference and misunderstandings can create evil situations. Most of the time, people who appear to be evil are really victims of evil deeds.

Nick‘s eyes widened as a total state of befuddled huh possessed him. Was he in the Twilight Zone?

Again I must remind you that a dog's a dog-a cat's a cat.