I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

You can only make money from a time well converted.

The Word is light and the Holy Spirit is oxygen

The amazing feeling of being alive beautifully conquers the fear of death

The mist after rain, uninterrupted rainfall on rooftops, pitter-patter intellect. The thoughts I leave behind like footsteps.

Instead of fighting ISIS, (the Saudis) have focused more on a campaign to oust Iran-backed Houthi rebels in Yemen.

My gosh, I love food. If I wasn't an actor, I could be a completely different body shape right now.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher.

It happens that we DON’T SEE CHRIST AS GOD but simply the right man at the right time at the right place.

The true Mason ever strives to cultivate Masonry in his/her life to the fullest degree possible.