I've always wanted to be a writer. Always been very creative. I always laughed at things that the rest of my family would sort of get angry, like not understand.

When one door closes another door opens. Usually a refrigerator.

I've been called a racist before, and let me tell you something - that is harsh. That's a really ugly thing to call someone. That's like being called a Mexican.

My sister might be dumb, but that doesn't make her all that different from the rest of us. She's just like any other American. Except she's Canadian. And retarded.

Well I grew up in Canada in a really small town. We didn't have running water for a long time and we didn't have TV. Then when we did get TV we only had one channel.

You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be successful as a woman.

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby... because he's Jewish and I'm Protestant and the baby's father is Catholic.

I grew up in a mixed religious household. And it was volatile. My dad's atheist, my mom's agnostic. Just constant fighting. There's no God! There might be!

If you really are superior, you don't go around saying you're superior - unless you're Jewish.

I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.

I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was I should cut my bangs.

The world would have been a better place if some men had just shut their mouths.

I could feel the tears beginning to collect in my throat again, but I pushed them apart, away from each other. Tears are only a threat in groups.

Any moment called NOW is always full of possibles.

I don't need to be wildly famous for my life to make sense.

The republican party is my vehicle, not my master.

I almost went to bed without remembering the four white violets I put in the button-hole of your green sweater and how i kissed you then and you kissed me shy as though I’d never been your lover

A legal broom's a moral chimney-sweeper, And that's the reason he himself's so dirty

When it comes to dating, Im straightforward and traditional with a twist.

The preachers are the greatest problem in the United States of America.

First problem. To produce wealth. Second problem. To distribute it.