I've always wanted to be an actor. I didn't get into this game to be the best improviser in the world. I didn't choose improv as a stepping stone, it just happened to become one.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I just want to do cool stuff.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."

I want to manufacture a feud.

If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer.

I have to stay true to myself.

So by keeping her word, Frieda B. made amends. And the two who'd been strangers became best of friends.

She was completely alone, only the distant call of a bird telling her a world existed outside of her circle of pain.

You can pick any life area to set goals for - it does not have to be the one where things are going bad.

And thoughts of no other man but you could possibly get through the picket lines to enter into my mind.

Why drink and drive if I can smoke and fly?

There is enough oil in the ground to deep-fry the lot of us, and no obvious means to prevail upon governments and industry to leave it in the ground.

You can make money two ways - make more, or spend less.

The Muslims have got Islam as a legacy, hence they fail to recognize its value

I love working with a lot of different films and a lot of different people.

The wages of sin is debugging.