I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

If you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.

Don't blame you, " said Marvin and counted five hundred and ninety-seven thousand million sheep before falling asleep again a second later.

Life's messy, " he agreed. "But sometimes amazing things can happen, even when it seems like it's all falling apart.

When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow.

The wandering one, the inquisitive dreamer of dreams, the eternal asker of answers, stands in the street, and lifts his palms for the first cold ghost of rain.

Nothing is impossible to us, except of course, that which is contrary to the laws of nature and the Universe.

I will embrace the first opportunity to get to California and it is altogether probable that when once there I shall never again leave it.

I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

I'm interested in endurance. People persist in the face of the most excruciating hardships.