I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

Love is a kind of insanity.

Civilization begins with distillation

In the real world, babysitting is a groovy way for young people to learn responsibility (and earn a little pocket money). In the Terrorverse, it's a plot device used to kill teenagers.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Do good to your friends to keep them, to your enemies to win them.

Those who wish well towards their friends disdain to please them with words which are not true.

Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.

Beauty, grace, and charm my foot. It's a school for sadists with good tea-serving skills.

Sometimes, in doing philosophy, one just wants to utter an inarticulate sound.

I'm not going to be the rock star of the far right and frankly on the rock star of the far left.