I've been a New Yorker for ten years, and the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

We need those who laugh when we laugh, cry when we cry, and then pass the chips and salsa.

And I always say that to the children: “You are the greatest thing I ever did in my life!

Did you ever dream you had a friend, Alec? Someone to last your whole life and you his. I suppose such a thing can’t really happen outside sleep.

Natural beauty really entices men. They will tell you this time and time again, and studies consistently prove it.

You can swim in life and seawater, but both are hard to swallow.

Technology will move faster than governments, so don't legislate before you understand the consequences.

To simplify complications is the first essential of success.

Society ... can afford to grant more than before because its interests have become the innermost drives of its citizens.

Pictures must be miraculous: the instant one is completed, the intimacy between the creation and the creator is ended.

Unnatural deeds Do breed unnatural troubles: infected minds To their deaf pillows will discharge their secrets.