I've been extremely lucky having been in the army when I was a boy of fourteen.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.

I owe everything to the army.

You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.

It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice.

But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get.

I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry

All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved.

My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.

Christ! What are patterns for?

The first dance is the worst dance

If you don’t find the time, if you don’t do the work, you don’t get the results.

The things I carry closest to my heart are things I can't own.

My function is not to reassure people. I want to make them uncomfortable. To send them out of the place arguing and talking.

Assuredly of all earthly conditions uncertainty is the most unblest.

A human being is primarily a bag for putting food into.

And not a man appears to tell their fate.

If all the theories were correct, there wouldn't be a fish left in all of our lakes and rivers and streams.

Try to meet as many authors, agents, and editors as you can.