I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Introspection leads to insights

Inside all of us is a light, but some beacons are darker than others, and some are so dark they never realize they are a form of light at all.

...We understood nothing at all. Not what it meant to wish for a miracle... nor its price.

It is the nature of the strong heart, that like the palm tree it strives ever upwards when it is most burdened.

Achievements of life are momentary, but realizations are longer lasting.

Learn to play the piano, man, and then you can figure out crazy solos of your own.

It so happened that I was on a German sailing vessel on the way to Australia when the ship was captured, and on the high seas I was made prisoner by the French.

The ones with no imagination are always the quickest to justify themselves.

We just finished shaking hands with all of the fans. I feel very good. They are cute.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.