I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.

Empowered Women 101: You are either creating drama or creating memories together. The choice is yours.

Those who choose differently must suffer the consequences. They must take the pain their decisions bring.

Sometimes Life seems to be a big QUESTION MARK. Don't know where it will lead us to....

...nearly everything seems a letdown after a writer has finished writing something.

One did not alter lives and simply walk away from the damage.

The soul maintains it's deathly sleep and the heart bleeds from a thousand wounds

I'll never tell a lie. I'll never make a misleading statement. I'll never betray the confidence that any of you had in me. And I'll never avoid a controversial issue.

Comeback is a good word, man.

Love is that flame that once kindled burns everything, and only the mystery and the journey remain.

Only love matters in the bits and pieces of a person's life.