I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

God always sends an angelto soften the sting of the devil.

I wouldn't say I am the type of girl who craves Doritos, but I definitely love a good cupcake sometimes. Or a croissant in the morning.

My trigger got no heart.

God has a plan for your retirement.

He has everything a boxer needs except speed, stamina, a punch, and ability to take punishment. In other words, he owns a pair of shorts.

I just think it's my responsibility as a human being and an entertainer to see the soldiers.

When your mind is empty of prejudices you can see the Tao. When your heart is empty of desires you can follow the Tao.

Be able to describe anything visual, such as a street scene, in words that convey your meaning.

I always knew that Neil Kinnock belonged in the economic nursery. Now, God help us we've got twins.

I do not believe so implicitly, as some cricketers and writers upon cricket do, in watching the bowler's hand.I prefer to watch the ball, and not anticipate events.