I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

it is hard not to count the hoursi have left with you.it is hard to be here now--knowing everything between uswill come to an end.

The middle of the week is a great time to reflect on what was done and still needs to be done before the end of the week.

Formula for failure: Try to please everybody.

I'll miss Hollywood. Of the twenty friends I thought I had, I'll miss the six I really had.

Turn your troubles into treasures. Learn from them and grow from them.

A new institution with new design, structure, body, soul, new thinking, and direction will replace the Planning Commission. It will be one that caters to the aspirations of 21st century India.

What your heart thinks is great, is great. The soul's emphasis is always right.

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree: Where Alph, the sacred river, ran Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea.

When you walk on a court, clear your mind of everything unrelated to the goal of playing the match as well as you can.

No one who was not by nature a lover of logic, and an extreme precisian in the use of words and phrases, could have written the two "Alice" books.