I've been working on my relationship with my parents and my sister over the years.

Don't jack off a cactus, you'll only hurt your hand and the cactus' feelings

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts.

The one thing about Billie is he will snap and rip your head off if you point anything out at all other than how beautiful he is and how nice he looks today.

I wish people would turn off their computers, go outside, talk to people, touch people, lick people, enjoy each other's company and smell each other on the rump

Life is like breakfast: you just mix all ingredients 'cause in your stomach it will all come together.

Punk rock has become another viable art form. It always was. But now it's like everyone's doing it.

I've matured, maybe, but not grown up.

I'm not exactly sure how many kids I have, but yes, I do miss them officially, for the record. In case any of them are listening, I love you.

I'm a drummer. I can count to four and repeat.

I never completed high school and I am very rich and very successful.

A student should not be taught more than he can think about.

In all you do, try being a WOW, and not a woe.

In the busy haunts of men.

I got IRS records to finance what I wanted to do.

Born free. Taxed to death.

Modern neurosis began with the discoveries of Copernicus. Science made men feel small by showing him that the earth was not the center of the universe.

I never really thought about getting married - it just kind of happened. It seemed natural, the right thing to do. It was kind of a celebration of the time.

If we had to choose one American Idol to go out to dinner with, it would be Fantasia. There are no airs and graces about her. ... I like her.

All war is based on deception.

I tried to use batting gloves at the beginning of every spring training up until 1999. It just didn't feel good.