I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

What is thine is mine and all mine is thine.

Yoga uses the body to discipline the mind and to reach the soul.

When Alexander the Great addressed him with greetings, and asked if he wanted anything, Diogenes replied "Yes, stand a little out of my sunshine."

The big problem in America is that everyone is spending 2-3 hours a day watching TV. If you spend that same amount of time reading, you'll be in the top 1% of whatever your field is.

If you have Julia Roberts in a movie youre never really afraid for her because you know shes not going to die.

Now he understood. This was death. Death was a silence that gave back no answer.

Thought consoles us for all, and heals all. If at times it does you ill, ask it for the remedy for that ill and it will give it to you.

You've got to have something to retire to. Something you always wanted to do but your job prevented it.

I think the toughest thing about being an actor in a film is to be with a director who doesn't know what they want. And that can be really, really frustrating.

Never let no one know how much dough you hold.