I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with.

Increasing public awareness of risks of nuclear conflict is the core element of any successful nuclear-weapons-free world strategy.

It's a combination of life being unpredictable, and you being super dumb.

The Holy Book calls upon Muslims to resist tyranny. Dictatorships in Pakistan, however long, have, therefore, always collapsed in the face of this spirit.

The most powerful of men can fail when they forget that a mighty river can be crossed at its source.

It is a vain thought to flee from the work that God appoints us, for the sake of finding a greater blessing, instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found - in loving obedience.

Just in case you thought elephants were all sweetness, I can attest to the fact that this one had the time of her life scaring the bejeezus out of those dudes.

I'm such a blonde. It just doesn't make sense for me to have dark hair.

You try too hard. Winners forget they're in a race. They just love to run.

We have to see that all regions of India, particularly the east and west, are brought on par in development parameters.