I've got a long list of books I wish I'd never written-and I've kept them all out of print for the past 20 years.

The functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy.

The whisper of the dusk is night shedding its husk.

Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.

Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.

Nothing is worse than being alone on the evening of the day when one's cow has exploded.

Only once in a generation does anything as fresh as a vomiting detective come along.

The hands of every clock are shears, trimming us away scrap by scrap, and every time piece with a digital readout blinks us towards implosion.

Most people tend to think the best of those who are blessed with beauty; we have difficulty imagining that physical perfection can conceal twisted emotions or a damaged mind.

Any drunk who has tried to put his car where a lamppost stands is a self-educated physicist.

Given my heritage and the ordeal of my childhood, I sometimes wonder why I myself am not insane. Maybe I am.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

God's leaders believe the impossible and move in the eternal.

Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for being no longer in a position to give bad examples.

Friendships born on the field of athletic strife are the real gold of competition. Awards become corroded, friends gather no dust.

Why should I paint dead fish, onions and beer glasses? Girls are so much prettier.

One of the first things we did was to find role models or mentors at companies that had achieved what we wanted to do. We bribed them or annoyed them for long enough until they decided to mentor us.

I feel like I'm waiting on something that isn't going to happen Don't complain; just work harder.

I think there is one smashing rule: never face the facts.

There's nothing about Tony Romo that deserves to be associated with America's Team.

You see me here, you gods, a poor old man, As full of grief as age; wretched in both.