I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.

We are even better looking on the small screen

During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.

Hollywood never knew there was a Vietnam War until they made the movie.

I loved the idea of touching base with an audience.

I shave without using shaving cream.

Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way.

My father and mother. I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material.

Being on a sitcom stops me from getting Alzheimer's.

I ask myself why I do it [work]. Maybe it's to prove I'm still around. It takes a lot out of my body. I'm not an NBA player anymore. At my age, very few people can handle it.

Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.

Our task and challenge as human beings is to appreciate, in the same instant, both the infinite significance and absolute insignificance of life.

There comes a time in life that all you need is just someone to listen to you without judging or telling you what you should have done and should do, but simply just listening to you.

Yet the deepest truths are best read between the lines, and, for the most part, refuse to be written.

It would be Spiderman. I'd love to be Peter Parker.

I believe the man who will go down in posterity is the man who paints his own time and the scenes of everyday life around him.

The miracle of the Atonement can make up for imperfections in our performance.

There are many differences between a baby and an I-Pod. And one of the biggest is, no ones going to mug you for your baby.

The waterwheel accepts water and turns and gives it away, weeping.

Contrary to the vision of the left, it was the free market which produced affordable housing - before government intervention made housing unaffordable.

Nobody really knows what the Bourne shell's grammar is. Even examination of the source code is little help.