I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.

Lincoln was less well-read than many a professor or journalist, but what he read, he read deeply.

Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.

The more a daughter knows the details of her mother's life [...] the stronger the daughter.

Today, the gap between productivity and compensation for the typical worker is larger than at any time since World War II.

We are undermining a generation's happiness by depriving them of national identity, religious identity, and gender identity

We cannot simply suspend or restrict civil liberties until the War on Terror is over, because the War on Terror is unlikely ever to be truly over.

More is more and less is a bore.

Learn much of the Lord Jesus. For every look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ. He is altogether lovely.