I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I always return from my travels with new books.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does, the better.

I really put a lot of and emotion into my project in order to evoke emotion.

Art should be serious, not a joke. I dont like to laugh about art.

The only thing I'm afraid of is a life without you, Pigeon.

Leadership embraces activism; it is the outcome of a purposeful pursuit of goals.

Well, any time you do anything good, it's man versus himself, right? That's the art, the challenge.

Not only the words (vocabula) which the Holy Spirit and Scripture use are divine, but also the phrasing

You can't fix stupid. You can't fix a neutered dog you can't fix a garage door and hey, you can't fix stupid