I've got better things to do than read rubbish about myself.

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

My goals exceed the reach of my energies, but my God exceeds the reach of my goals.

Listen.I will lose myselfif it means I can find you.

Adversity awaken in us a strong-will to a daring life.You become a stronger person with each adversity that you overcome.

Necessity will reign if the domain of kingdom love is realized

You have got a sharp tongue, haven't you honey? You'll have to watch it or you'll go to a lonely spinster's grave.

My formula for success is rise early work late and strike oil.

I always take the audience into account.

Truth rings no bells.

I think I find it easier to live on the stage than in life.

The face that cannot smile is never fair.